VENT: I brought along someone today that needs some cheering up, so when I bring him out, give him a big hand so he’ll feel welcome, (get duck).
VENT: Hello, my name is ____________ what is your name?
DUCK: (Sadly) Honkey. (laughter) Honkey duck.
VENT: Well, Honkey why are you so sad?
DUCK: I just lost my job. (laughter)
VENT: What kind of work did you do?
DUCK: I worked for a cleaning lady.
VENT: Did you help her clean?
DUCK: Yeah, I was her feather duster. (laughter)
VENT: Why did she fire you?
DUCK: I kept sneezing, (laughter) I guess I'm just an unlucky ducky.(laughter)
VENT: That's too bad, are you looking for work now?
DUCK: Well not really, I'm kind of scared to interview.
VENT: Why are you afraid? Are you 'yellow'?
DUCK: (looking down at his own body) Well, ...yes. (laughter)
VENT: Actually yes, I'm getting it all over me right now! (brushing off
DUCK: I saw a psychiatrist about it ...but he was a real "quack". (laughter)
VENT: Too bad.
DUCK: Yeah, it was reDUCKulous!
VENT: Isn't there anyone looking to hire a duck?
DUCK: Well, Disneyland is looking for a duck to relieve Donald Duck on
VENT: You look enough like him; I bet you'll get the job.
DUCK: I don't know. His voice is tough to do...(tries to imitate Donald Duck's
VENT: Well, keep working on it; I'm sure you'll get it down. Have you aver met
DUCK: Well, not personally, but I did meet his secretary.
VENT: He has his own secretary? What does she do?
DUCK: Well, when Donald wants to write a letter, she takes Ducktation.
VENT: When is the interview?
DUCK: Next week. (pitifully) Would you go with me?
VENT: Well, sure I could go.
DUCK: (quickly) Good cause I need a ride.(laughter)
VENT: Don't you have a driver’s license?
DUCK: I tried getting one once. But it's hard driving a car. I can't steer and
VENT: That can be dangerous.
DUCK: You’re not kidding, by the time I climb back up on the seat..heck, I
VENT: Well, if it will help you get a job I’ll take you to the interview.
DUCK: Thanks but I really want to be my own boss.
VENT Do you have any skills?
DUCK: Well. I don't know...
VENT: Well, what are some things you do already, that maybe you could make
DUCK: Ummm...well I fly south for the winter; maybe I could take on a rider!
VENT: How often do you go?
DUCK: Once a year...let's see, that’s a...(figuring in head), ..one times one...that’s
VENT: (sarcastically) Wow, we may need an accountant for this!
DUCK: I don't like accountants.
VENT: Why not?
DUCK: I heard all they do is count for you, and than leave you a big bill...and
VENT: I'm a ventriloquist. (laughter)
DUCK: Maybe I could be one too! (laughter)
VENT: Well, it takes some practice.
DUCK: Could you teach me how to throw my quack? (laughter)
VENT: Sure, first you have to talk without moving your lips.
DUCK: That’s no problem, I don't have any! (laughter) Lets see...(some bill
VENT: Next, you'll need a dummy.
DUCK: (Looks around audience, then looks at you and stares.) (laughter)
VENT: Okay I'll be your dummy. Now you throw your voice into me and I’ll move
DUCK: (his voice coming from your moving mouth) Okay now...hey this is pretty
VENT: That was good! But you'll have to practice.
DUCK: Oh, I thought I could just ‘wing’ it. Thanks, I think I've got a career
VENT: That's enough of that. Listen good luck with your career, and go out
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