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Ideas for the World's Oldest Man | Puppets by Axtell
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An amazingly detailed p uppet by Axtell. The World's Oldest Man comes undressed with long hair and eyebrows...and there are lots of options! Style of Clothes, Beard, Rod Arm, Shoes, Feet, etc. 36" soft body, Arm enters at back. Just remember to handle this elder with tender loving care....even if all he does is yell at you! Ha! A REAL CHARACTER! ORDER HERE! |
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Who will he be for your show??
The World's Oldest... |
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ANCIENT LOOK |
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Holland's Got Talent Finalist! Bart en Bertus |
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Marvin Silbermintz - a vetern writer for the "Tonight Show" has written some material for the World's Oldest Man. He is available to write routines for ventriloquists. His email is frumcomedy@gmail.com |
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VENT; What year were you born? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; 1903. VENT; I wasn't sure you'd admit it. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Well, I'm not saying if that's A.D. Or B.C.. VENT; Do you have proof of your age? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Right here. (hands bag to VENT) VENT; This? It's a bag of pebbles. WORLD'S OLDESTMAN; That's my Birth Certificate. I dropped it and guess it cracked. VENT; What were your early years like? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Kind of sad. My family didn't celebrate Christmas. VENT; Oh, why not? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Christ wasn't born yet. VENT; You look pretty good for your age. I like your hair. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Well, I'll tell you a secret; It's a combover. VENT; You're lucky you still have some hair on your temples. WORLD'S OLDESTMAN; I don't it's from my ears. I just grow it long and comb it up If I stop trimming my nose hair I could have a beard. VENT; Do you use any special hair product? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Yes I do. Ever hear of 'Head and Shoulders Shampoo'? VENT; Sure. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; They make a special version for guys my age. It's called; 'Ears and Nostrils Shampoo'. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I try to look good for the ladies. VENT; Oh, you still like women. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Yeah, I always liked older women. VENT; That's great. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; It's awful there aren't any left. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; There's only one woman in my age range. VENT: Who's that? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; The Statue of Liberty. She's really held up well. Still got a body. And I like tall women. I even like green women. If they're good enough for Captain Kirk from Star Trek, they're good enough for me. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I got a line that never fails with women. VENT; Tell me it. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Marry me, my dear, and I'll make you the happiest widow in the world. VENT; Let's get off that subject. What was school like when you were a kid? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; We had a different name for everything. For example; History. Do you know what we called it? VENT; No. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Current Events. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I remember our class trip, back when we were high school seniors. VENT; Where did you go? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; We went to see Washington. VENT; That's exciting. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Well, he wasn't home. But Martha was there. She was hot. I like an older gray haired woman. All that beautiful gray hair on her head. Did you know it was a combover from her ears? VENT; Stop that! WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I don't know why she didn't just wear one of George's wigs. Yeah, I love the older married ladies. VENT; You're in great shape. You must exercise. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Oh, I've always been a walker. When I was a kid, I would walk to England every year. VENT; Really? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Yes. But then the continents separated. Now you need a boat. VENT; You may be the only man alive who can answer this question; What killed the dinosaurs? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I did! VENT; Why? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I was hungry. They tasted great. I wish I could have some Tyranasaurus Ribs right now. VENT; How do you support yourself? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; I don't spend any money. I still have the first dollar I ever made. VENT; You're kidding. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; No here it is. (hands a bill to the VENT) VENT; Look at that. It's blank in the center. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Well, at that time all the presidents were still alive. VENT; I'll bet you get up several times a night to go the bathroom to 'tinkle'. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; No. Once a night. VENT; Only once. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Yep. But I'm in there for 4 and a half hours. WORLD'S OLDESTMAN; Any more annoying personal questions. VENT; Well, I'll think of one last question.........Do you wear Boxers or Briefs? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Depends. VENT; Depends on what? WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; No I wear depends. VENT; That's the world's oldest joke. WORLD'S OLDEST MAN; Well I'm the world's oldest man. |
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