Granny Ideas by Axtell Customers

Dr. Paul Winchell the world famous ventriloquist and voice of Disney's Tigger, passed away in 2005. Here with Steve he is overjoyed to find a pulse in Granny! The Old Storyteller stares in disbelief! (Photo by Fred Anderson)		Liz and Granny
ORDER GRANNY HERE	The Old Storytellery & Granny Gerttie met when she answered his personal classified ad: "Lonely old Geezer in search of fun wife who can fill this empty void inside of me. Must be flexible, easy to care for, and enjoy entertaining. Please call (805) 642-7282."
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. Shep uts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." Big Blue Ball.com	...soon they noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidently forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. So, they decided to go see their physician to get some help. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctor's office very pleased with the advice. When they got home, granny said, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And why don't you write that down so you won't forget?" "Nonsense," said the old storyteller, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!" "Well," said the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget." "Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!" "OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife. "Come now, my memory's not all that bad," said the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream." With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, " I knew you wouldn't get it right!! Where's the toast?" This came from Just for Laughs.	Darren Carr & a customized Gertie Mary from DesMoines shows off Miss Fatima
Steve, Received GRANNY today. We shop for tennis shoes tomorrow. Again, you have outdone yourself. She's a beauty. I can see why these latex puppets are so popular. For example, Granny's toothless grin can stretch all the way up to her ears!! Samuel Shive "My main figure continues to be Rosie (Granny Gertie). In a show that includes fire juggling, bowling ball juggling and lots of other flashy bits that I've worked hard to develop, people continue to come up after my shows and say "I loved the old woman!". This is in no small part, due to the character you built into her. You know that when the audience starts oooooohing, aaaaaaahing and laughing before she opens her mouth, you've got a winner!" Mike Hemmelgarn	David Blyth and his Grandma Granny and Verna with Peter Lock Karla in Canada	When I'm An Old Lady by Mary Ann Hopkins When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my son, and make his life happy and filled with such fun. I want to pay back all the joy he's provided, returning each deed. Oh, he'll be so excited. When I'm an old lady and live with my son. I'll write on the wall with red, white, and blue; and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, he will shout. . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son. When he's on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, he'll snap his fingers and then shake his head, and when he is done I'll hide under the bed. . . . When I'm an old lady and live with my son. When my son's wife cooks dinner and calls me to meals. I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed. I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, and when she gets angry, run fast as I'm able When I'm an old lady and live with my son. I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click. I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, and play in the mud until the end of the day. . . . When I'm an old lady and live with my son. And later, in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes; and my son will look down with a smile slowly creeping, and say with a groan, "she's so sweet when she's sleeping." . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
Getting Old Jokes From Bill Demar -- I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. --- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." --- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. --- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it? --- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.	David Crone with Granny and Storyteller	I'M IN LOVE!!! Your characters are BEAUTIFUL! After over 20 years in puppet ministry, it was a JOY to look at your web site. Your creativity is AMAZING! What a gifted group of people to produce such human characters! Holly Arnold
	--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." ---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. --- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.	Kevin Karter with old friends
		--I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging. ---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. ---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." ---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches. ---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up! --- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. - --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.