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King Kong


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KING KONG ROUTINE
for use with a Gorilla Puppet
By Steve Axtell, Al Stevens, Bill Demar, Dave Allen, Barb Phoenix, Matt Bronsil

Reading a note - Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and girls I've got a real treat for you today! It says here that we are going to meet a HUGE celebrity today. One of the BIGGEST stars in the movies! Put your hands together for the Great...King.. Kong!

(Go get the puppet – the audience will be laughing at you holding such a small gorilla)

V (looking at him and then at the audience, shaking your head) Who are you?

G What do you mean?

V Are you King Kong? The Biggest Gorilla on Earth?

G Well that’s not my real name.

V What is your real name?

G I’m Ding-Dong

V Ding dong?

G The smallest gorilla on Earth.

V  Your name is not King Kong??

G It doesn't ring a bell.

V You say your name is Ding Dong.

G That! rings a bell.

V Where are you from Ding Dong?

G Hong Kong.

V Hong Kong? So you're name's not King Kong, you're name's Ding Dong from Hong Kong?

G Too long?

V The note said we were going to meet the real King Kong! You look more like a… prince.

G I look bigger on TV. They call me the 8th Wonder of the World.

V You’re a wonder alright….I wonder how you looked so big on the movie screen.

G Special Effects. They used make up that makes things look bigger.

V Peter Jackson is an amazing director isn’t he?

G Who?

V Peter Jackson, the director that told everyone what to do. He has a hairy beard and…

G He’s the director? I thought he was my stunt double!

V You did a great job acting in the movie.

G Thanks! And you know, I haven't had any acting classes.

V You seem so natural.

G Just born with it I guess. My dad was a silverback, but I’m going for the gold!

V Did you enjoy being in the movie?

G Oh yes. It was really neat. Jack Black was really funny. He was always joking.

V I’m sure he was…

G He told me some jokes…let me see if I can remember them…

Do you know why King Kong Painted his toe nails red?

V No Why?

G So he could hide in the Strawberry Patch. Ha ha ha!!!

V I’m sure….

G When Is King Kong like a cute little bunny?

V I don't know when, is King Kong like a cute little bunny?

G When he wears his cute little bunny suit! Ha ha ha ha!!!! Here’s another one…

V I can hardly wait…

G How can you tell King Kong is hiding in your Refrigerator?

G I don't know how?

V The bananas are missing Haa haah ha. Whew! That Jack Black is one funny guy.

V Yes, well…what about Naomi Watts?

G Who?

V The actress who played your girl friend…Ann Darrow. Hello??

G Oh yes, well I never really met her. They put her in the movie later. She was much bigger than me, so they just had me hold a Barbie doll.. She had a nice smile but didn’t talk much.

V Did you get to film in New York City?

G No, they used tiny little fake buildings. I got to smash them and throw little cars and hit little airplanes.

V Oh that was amazing when the planes were shooting at you and…..

G: Yeah. The first plane flew at me, and I swatted if off to the left. Someone yelled, "Foul!" The second one came at me and I swatted it to the right. Someone yelled, "Foul!" I swung at the third one and missed it altogether. Someone yelled, "Strike three! Yer out!"

V: Who was doing all that yelling?

G: The umpire, I think. It was his building.

V: It was?

G: Yep, it was the Umpire State Building.

V Why did you climb that building in the first place?

G I couldn’t fit in the little elevator.

V Ding Dong….Where did you shoot those awful jungle scenes?

G: Well, they needed a really backward place, somewhere with no modern conveniences, where the natives are all really primitive, illiterate, uneducated and not up to date. [pause] So we shot it in Bithlow. [Use the name of a local rural or redneck community. Every metropolitan area has one, where just the name of the place gets a laugh.]

V Those dinosaurs you fought in the movie were really scary.

G You’re telling me! And they had very sharp teeth and bad breath too.

V How did you ever defend yourself against that?

G I asked them to use mouthwash.

V Did you get paid well to do this movie? I understand it cost over 2 hundred million!

G Oh yes. I got 5 million myself.

V You got five million dollars?

G Dollars? No way… I got Five million bananas!

V What will you do with five million bananas?

G Lots and lots of peeling.

V Well, we don’t have much time left, but before you go, do you think you could do that famous roar you did in the movie?

G Roar?

V Yeah, you know your growl?

G Growl?

V (raising your voice) Yes your YELL!??

G You don’t have to scream, I can hear you.

V I’m sorry. Could you please just give us your roar?

G Oh, you mean my gorilla call.

V Yes your gorilla call.

G Okay here goes….(clears voice)…meow.

V What was that??? That sounded like a cat!

G Oh sorry….here we go….Quack Quack.

V That was a DUCK!

G My mistake….my mistake….um….okay here. Oink Oink.

V Okay this is ridiculous. How did you ever get through that movie with all those big roars??

G I’m sorry. It’s just that I have a very hard time remembering my lines without the script.

V Okay Ding Dong, it was nice to meet you, and you did a really great job in the movie.. but we’re out of time now and….

(start putting him away)

G I can do it, I can do it…..Ruff Ruff….no that’s not it, um……hey if I get it right will you give me a banana?…Tweet, Tweet…that was dumb…...oh don’t tell me…

(put puppet away)

Y (returning to your audience) Well… that was more fun than a barrel full of monkeys!




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