KING KONG ROUTINE
for use with a Gorilla Puppet
By Steve Axtell, Al Stevens, Bill Demar, Dave Allen, Barb Phoenix, Matt Bronsil
Reading a note - Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and girls I've got a real treat for you today! It says here that we are going to meet a HUGE celebrity today. One of the BIGGEST stars in the movies! Put your hands together for the Great...King.. Kong!
(Go get the puppet the audience will be laughing at you holding such a small gorilla)
V (looking at him and then at the audience, shaking your head) Who are you?
G What do you mean?
V Are you King Kong? The Biggest Gorilla on Earth?
G Well that’s not my real name.
V What is your real name?
G I’m Ding-Dong
V Ding dong?
G The smallest gorilla on Earth.
V Your name is not King Kong??
G It doesn't ring a bell.
V You say your name is Ding Dong.
G That! rings a bell.
V Where are you from Ding Dong?
G Hong Kong.
V Hong Kong? So you're name's not King Kong, you're name's Ding Dong from Hong Kong?
G Too long?
V The note said we were going to meet the real King Kong! You look more like a… prince.
G I look bigger on TV. They call me the 8th Wonder of the World.
V You’re a wonder alright….I wonder how you looked so big on the movie screen.
G Special Effects. They used make up that makes things look bigger.
V Peter Jackson is an amazing director isn’t he?
V Peter Jackson, the director that told everyone what to do. He has a hairy beard and…
G He’s the director? I thought he was my stunt double!
V You did a great job acting in the movie.
G Thanks! And you know, I haven't had any acting classes.
V You seem so natural.
G Just born with it I guess. My dad was a silverback, but I’m going for the gold!
V Did you enjoy being in the movie?
G Oh yes. It was really neat. Jack Black was really funny. He was always joking.
V I’m sure he was…
G He told me some jokes…let me see if I can remember them…
Do you know why King Kong Painted his toe nails red?
V No Why?
G So he could hide in the Strawberry Patch. Ha ha ha!!!
V I’m sure….
G When Is King Kong like a cute little bunny?
V I don't know when, is King Kong like a cute little bunny?
G When he wears his cute little bunny suit! Ha ha ha ha!!!! Here’s another one…
V I can hardly wait…
G How can you tell King Kong is hiding in your Refrigerator?
G I don't know how?
V The bananas are missing Haa haah ha. Whew! That Jack Black is one funny guy.
V Yes, well…what about Naomi Watts?
V The actress who played your girl friend…Ann Darrow. Hello??
G Oh yes, well I never really met her. They put her in the movie later. She was much bigger than me, so they just had me hold a Barbie doll.. She had a nice smile but didn’t talk much.
V Did you get to film in New York City?
G No, they used tiny little fake buildings. I got to smash them and throw little cars and hit little airplanes.
V Oh that was amazing when the planes were shooting at you and…..
G: Yeah. The first plane flew at me, and I swatted if off to the left. Someone yelled, "Foul!" The second one came at me and I swatted it to the right. Someone yelled, "Foul!" I swung at the third one and missed it altogether. Someone yelled, "Strike three! Yer out!"
V: Who was doing all that yelling?
G: The umpire, I think. It was his building.
V: It was?
G: Yep, it was the Umpire State Building.
V Why did you climb that building in the first place?
G I couldn’t fit in the little elevator.
V Ding Dong….Where did you shoot those awful jungle scenes?
G: Well, they needed a really backward place, somewhere with no modern conveniences, where the natives are all really primitive, illiterate, uneducated and not up to date. [pause] So we shot it in Bithlow. [Use the name of a local rural or redneck community. Every metropolitan area has one, where just the name of the place gets a laugh.]
V Those dinosaurs you fought in the movie were really scary.
G You’re telling me! And they had very sharp teeth and bad breath too.
V How did you ever defend yourself against that?
G I asked them to use mouthwash.
V Did you get paid well to do this movie? I understand it cost over 2 hundred million!
G Oh yes. I got 5 million myself.
V You got five million dollars?
G Dollars? No way… I got Five million bananas!
V What will you do with five million bananas?
G Lots and lots of peeling.
V Well, we don’t have much time left, but before you go, do you think you could do that famous roar you did in the movie?
V Yeah, you know your growl?
V (raising your voice) Yes your YELL!??
G You don’t have to scream, I can hear you.
V I’m sorry. Could you please just give us your roar?
G Oh, you mean my gorilla call.
V Yes your gorilla call.
G Okay here goes….(clears voice)…meow.
V What was that??? That sounded like a cat!
G Oh sorry….here we go….Quack Quack.
V That was a DUCK!
G My mistake….my mistake….um….okay here. Oink Oink.
V Okay this is ridiculous. How did you ever get through that movie with all those big roars??
G I’m sorry. It’s just that I have a very hard time remembering my lines without the script.
V Okay Ding Dong, it was nice to meet you, and you did a really great job in the movie.. but we’re out of time now and….
(start putting him away)
G I can do it, I can do it…..Ruff Ruff….no that’s not it, um……hey if I get it right will you give me a banana?…Tweet, Tweet…that was dumb…...oh don’t tell me…
(put puppet away)
Y (returning to your audience) Well… that was more fun than a barrel full of monkeys!