INTERACTIVE
PUPPET PERFORMANCE TRACKS
“ACHES AND PAINS”
6.5 min.
FOR
USE WITH AXTELL’S STORYTELLER PUPPET
© COPYRIGHT 2002 AXTRAX PUBLISHING
DIV. OF AXTELL
EXPRESSIONS! (805) 642-7282
WRITTEN AND
PERFORMED BY: STEVE AXTELL
SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR: BILL BOLEY
MUSIC, SOUND
EFFECTS AND ENGINEERING BY: GREG JACKSON
RECORDED AT
TREEHOUSE PRODUCTIONS AND AXTELL ENTERTAINMENT
LEGAL NOTICE:
By purchasing this routine you have the right to perform this routine
and its musical components in live performances only. Not for use on television or on video productions without
written permission. Limited Warranty
of 3 weeks to replace damaged media. No
refunds on
electronic media. © Copyright and Trademark Axtell
Expressions, Inc. All rights reserved.
SEE
OTHER AXTRAX AVAILABLE FOR THE MAGIC DRAWING BOARD AND AXTELL PUPPETS AT www.axtell.com
CD TRACK #1:
PERFORMANCE - Does not include
your practice lines - use this to perform live.
CD TRACK #2:
REHEARSAL - Includes your practice lines (YOU) that you will perform
live.
CD TRACKS #3-12: MUSIC ONLY-
For vents who want to do both parts and cue the music. Cues are numbered in the script.
#3: Opening music
#4: Jingle Bells open
#5: Me, Me, Me
#6: All the Way…
#7: Oh What Fun…
#8: Violin
#9: Open Sleigh…
#10: Finale
PAUSES HAVE BEEN LEFT IN THE RECORDING TO ANTICIPATE
AUDIENCE LAUGHTER
YOU CAN MODIFY THE (YOU) LINES TO FIT YOUR PERSONALITY. REWRITE AND BE CREATIVE!
SOUND ADVISE: You can perform this routine by playing the CD on a
quality "boom box" portable stereo player in small areas, or over a professional
sound system in large areas such as an auditorium or outside. Do not play on a
small inexpensive CD player because the sound will distort when you try to play
it loudly.
The CD should be played with plenty of volume. Kids will be laughing hard and will miss the
routine if it Is
too quiet, and adults may keep laughter to a minimum for
fear of missing parts of the program.
The volume
of the CD should be set about the same as if you were
speaking over a microphone to be heard by the
group, or louder.
#3 Opening song
NOTE: Bring out the puppet with the music and begin the dialog.
MAN:
(As you bring him out over the music)
Where are we? What’s this all about?…huh? Where are we?
YOU: Ladies and Gentlemen,
this is my good friend, (name of puppet).
MAN: Who are you?
YOU: You know me…I’m (your
name), and we’re here today to…
MAN: (Ignoring you – looks at
audience) Who are they?…
YOU: Well, this is an
audience.
MAN: An audience? (To you) I’d smile at ’em but I forgot my teeth….
YOU: Oh, that’s too bad.
MAN: My
own audience….heehe… Hollywood…da, da,
da, da…ha, ha…I’ve been waiting years for this…ha, ha…watch what I can do.
#4 Nose fx .(Puts
nose in mouth and gets a big laugh)
Ah oh….
YOU: What’s wrong?
MAN: I’m stuck!
YOU: You’re stuck? Here, let
me help.
#5 Backslap fx (pat him hard on
the back)
MAN: (nose pops out) (LAUGHTER) Oh…oh, oh, oh.
YOU: What’s the matter?
MAN: Nah…I don’t want to talk
about it.
YOU: Oh, come on.
MAN: I
DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! It really bothers me when old people go on and on
about their aches and pains.
YOU: Okay, okay…
MAN: It’s
too much of a bother…
YOU: Okay, I understand, so
why don’t we…
MAN: (Interrupts you)…it’s much
too painful to discuss.
YOU: What is?
MAN: My aches and pains!
YOU: Oh, you hurt somewhere?
MAN: I hurt everywhere!!
#5 Aches and Pains,
Aches
and Pains,
There
isn’t any doubt about ‘em,
Got
so many I can’t count ‘em,
Did
I ever live without em,
All
my Aches and Pains!
YOU: You
know you should go see your Doctor about this, he might be able to help you.
MAN: I just got back from
seeing my Doctor.
YOU: Oh good. What did he say?
MAN: He said, “That will be
twenty dollars”
YOU: No, I mean what did you
have?
MAN: I only had ten dollars.
YOU: No, I mean what was the
problem?
MAN: I needed ten more
dollars! Ha!
YOU: I can help you out, when
is your next visit?
MAN: I can’t remember….that’s
another problem.
YOU: Do you have other
problems? (Bob nods) Okay…
How’s your
head?
MAN: Oh, it’s dead.
YOU: How’s your neck?
MAN: It’s a wreck!
YOU: How’s your shoulder?
MAN: Getting’ older!
YOU: How’s your chest?
MAN: Needs a rest!
YOU: How’s your heart?
MAN: Needs a start!
YOU: How’s your leg?
MAN: (brakes fx) Funny you should ask…it’s numb, can’t feel a
thing.
YOU Really?
MAN Deader than a door
nail…pinch it.
YOU I don’ t want to hurt
your leg!
MAN You can’t hurt it, go
ahead…pinch it.
YOU O.K….
MAN Ouch, not that one!
YOU Oops…sorry!
MAN Aches and Pains,
Aches
and Pains,
There
isn’t any doubt about ‘em,
Got
so many I can’t count ‘em,
Did
I ever live without em,
All
my Aches and Pains!
YOU What was that?
MAN My Personal Pill Prompter
YOU Your personal Pill Prompter?
MAN Time to
take a pill. Could I persuade
you to pull a pink pill from the place I put it?
YOU You want me to pull a pink pill
from the place you put it?
MAN Please.
YOU Possibly. Where is the place that
you put your pink pill?
MAN I put the pink pill next to a
purple pill in my…..pocket!
YOU You have a pair of pills in your
pocket?
MAN Precisely.
YOU You’re going to pop a pill in
public?
MAN (Looks at you) You’re pushin’ it.
YOU: Okay,
okay…I’ll get it for you.
MAN: Thanks.
YOU: Say,
what kind of pill is this?
MAN: It’s
a special pill the doctor said would take care of all my pains.
YOU: Here
it is…(pretending to hold it in your hand, you look at the pill and whisper to the audience) This is just CANDY!
Here
ya’ go. (Pretend to put the pill in his
mouth)
MAN: Thanks.
#6 Swallow fx
(He
jerks, jumps, ping-pongs to the sounds)
Deflating sound
(pull him down to his hips – very low)
YOU:
Wow! Are you feeling better?
MAN: Oh yeah, now I can do my
stretches.
YOU: Oh
good, you exercise. Can you show us some of your stretches?
MAN:
Sure, here’s an easy one.
#7
Creak fx
(groans as you bend him
over his feet and back up
again.)
YOU:
Good job!
MAN:
Here’s another one, but I need a little help.
YOU: Oh sure, anything.
MAN:
Okay…lift my arm.
#8
Ratchet fx
More….more!
YOU:
That’s too far!
MAN:
Do it!
YOU:
O.K….
#8:
Ratchet fx
MAN:
There!
YOU:
Oh, that looks like it hurts!
MAN:
Huh…that’s nothing! Get the other one.
YOU:
Oh no!
MAN: Do it!!
YOU:
O.K.
#8:
Ratchet fx
MAN:
(Groans)
YOU:
No, I can’t!
MAN:
Do it!!!
YOU:
(Sigh)
#8:
Ratchet fx
MAN:
There ya’ go…now the legs.
YOU:
Oh, come on!
MAN:
LIFT MY LEG!!
YOU: This one?
MAN:
Yeah, lift it!
#9:
Tearing fx
Not that way!!
YOU:
Oh, sorry!
#10
Rubber band fx
Tuck his foot between his side and your side.
MAN:
(groans) Okay, now…take my other
leg and…
YOU:
Not again!
MAN:
DO IT!!!
YOU:
O.K.
#10:
Rubber band fx
Now where do you want me to put it?
MAN:
Anywhere!
YOU:
O.K. (You stuff foot into his
mouth)
MAN:
Mmmmmmmm…
I know…you don’t want to talk about it.
MAN:
Mmmmmmmmm…
YOU:
What’s that?
MAN:
Mmmmmmmm…
YOU:
You’re not done?
MAN:
Humm, humm.
YOU:
There’s more?
MAN:
Umhum…
#11:
Bouncing fx (You bounce him up and down off your hand).
YOU:
Wow, you must be feeling better…give him a hand!
#12:
Closing music.